Kids & Science

These comments come from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students and compiled at the NEA Life Sciences Symposium, Kansas City, Kansas.

As the originator noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades."

Please note that the original spelling has been left intact.

1. "The body consists of three parts -- the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five -- a, e, i, o, and u."
2. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."
3. "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
4. "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."
5. "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
6. "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
7. "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
8. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
9. "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
10. "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
11. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
12. "A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
13. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
14. "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
15. "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
16. "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
17. "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
18. "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
19. "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
20. "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
21. "Liter: A nest of young puppies.
22. "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
23. "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
24. "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
25. "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
26. "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
27. "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
28. "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops."
29. "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."
30. "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
31.                           and more ...
32. One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
33. You can listen to thunder and lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
34. When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
35. When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
36. Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
37. Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to be oil.
38. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
39. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
40. We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
41. I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
42. Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man.
43. Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
44. Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
45. It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live other places.
46. Our new teacher told us all about fossils. Before she came to our class, I didn't know what a fossil looked like.
47. Pavlov studied the salvation of dogs.
48. A molecule is so small that it can’t be seen by the naked observer.
49. In biology today, we digested a frog.

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